“We should be the ones making decisions for ourselves”

Women in Doti in Western Nepal are traditionally kept bonded by patriarchal structures with an expectation to work around the house, plough, sow, and weed the fields, look after live-stock, and raise children. Many women are now claiming their right to have a say in their own lives and participate in decisions made about them – and a key catalyst in women’s groups in the area has been the EU-funded project PARIWARTAN implemented by DanChurchAid in partnership with three national organisations – EDC Doti, INLOGOS Nepal, and MDO Acham.

Giving women a voice

“Women couldn’t speak up before – now they can,” says Maya Malla, President of the Women’s Rights Forum – the Sahara Group – in Doti district in Sudurpaschim province in Western Nepal.

The Sahara Group was formed by the municipality in 2013, and Maya has been a member since 2018.

“We are 11 members who meet the first Saturday of every month,” explains Maya and expands on what a typical agenda looks like: ”We discuss gender-based, domestic and sexual violence.”

And they always have items on the agenda.

Maya is also a social mediator in her community. In that role her main task is ensuring that women can open up about issues that affect them at home.

And that isn’t always easy.

Detecting domestic issues

“Many things stay hidden in the home – people in the community here like to keep things away from the light. Especially when it’s about domestic issues or gender-based violence,” Maya says. But being from the community she and other women mediators are very good at seeing the little signs, noticing what’s not being said, and reading the women’s faces when they talk about their lives in front of husbands or in-laws.

Maya and her colleagues can detect if something is awry in a way that an outsider most likely couldn’t. “Often, we fight some stubborn beliefs about a woman’s role and place in our society – and many of us have faced the same issues at home so it’s easy for us to identify these issues.”

Rumours, social control, and alcohol

Some cases are about misunderstandings – where distrust and rumours take root. Maya tells of one case where a woman had called for a male friend to come to her house in the absence of her husband. When he arrived at her house, neighbours apprehended the man and handed him over to the police. The police called for the assistance of the women’s group and Maya went to speak to the woman – it turned out that the woman was home sick and had called a friend to bring medicine. The man was released, the woman got her medicine, and the community could lay to rest any speculation that they had entertained.

Traditionally a man is not allowed to visit a married woman if her husband is not present – or the family has given express permission to the visit – explains Maya, and the community reacted to what they thought was an extramarital affair.

Another case she has worked on involves a woman and her husband who drinks heavily. “He drinks a lot and causes quite a stir – and he beats up his wife,” says Maya. “We found it very difficult to mediate between the man and his wife, so we referred the matter to the police who referred it to the district authorities. They made sure that the man now is in rehabilitation,” she says.

Gender specific workload

A common issue that most women deal with – including the women in the group – is an enormous workload at home. Receiving trainings, education or getting any kind of different inputs outside the sphere of the home is difficult when most women hardly get a break from sunrise to sunset. The fortunate ones have the support of their husbands and in-laws – but not all do.

In her first year as a social mediator, Maya helped women in 14 different cases. And in addition, she goes for a monthly meeting in the Sahara Group. All the time spent away from home and away from her traditional duties as a woman, she needs to find extra hours to make up for when she comes home.

Fortunately, her husband is supportive of her work in the women’s group – but her mother-in-law isn’t. And as her husband works in another district and only comes home on holidays the resistance from her mother-in-law is a real obstacle.

“My mother-in-law thinks that engaging in gender issues is a waste of time. She thinks I should stay home looking after my husband and our children.”

© Kira Petersen

Generational gap causes resistance

“My mother-in-law and many women from her generation, think that what we are doing is a waste of time. It’s a generational gap in how we see the world. She thinks that women who engage in gender issues are wasting their time – time that is taken away from the home and attending to the husband, children, and in-laws,” Maya explains.

If Maya is going to meetings or to work as a mediator her mother-in-law often refuses to look after her nine-month-old son. Fortunately, her father-in-law steps in if he can and takes his grandson so she can attend to her duties in the Women’s Rights Forum.

In other words, Maya’s work to promote women’s rights is made possible by the support of the men in her family. And with that support she has risen through the ranks to become President of the Sahara Group.

Education taught us that decisions are ours to make

But that’s not all the support she has gotten – she also received support from DCA and the Equality Development Centre (EDC) in Doti through the EU-funded PARIWARTAN project.

“Just a little education made us realize important things about the world and our role in it,” says Maya and adds that the information that they received was an eye-opener for everyone in the group.

The women received training through the Good Governance School sessions that provided basic information to foster awareness and impart knowledge on the federal structure’s functions of local governments and the role of three tiers of government, and the rights and entitlements of the citizens.

“I became a member six years ago and for some time I didn’t receive any training. I felt a need to work to improve women’s situation in our society, but I lacked tools. When the PARIWARTAN project started we were invited for trainings that enabled us to understand more about women’s rights, how we can enjoy them and how we can tell others about the rights of women. Our rights. Rights that we get from the government. Rights to freedom and to speak our minds,” says Maya and continues: “We learned that we should be the ones who make decisions for ourselves, about ourselves.”

But even if all the information in the world is available to you – it only really has an impact if you are willing to listen and you are open to change. Which she feels that her mother-in-law and many of that generation are not. She therefore pins her hopes for change on the generations to come.

Generational shifts

In the eyes of her mother-in-law Maya is radical and extreme – while Maya feels that her mother-in-law is stuck in the past.

Maya cannot say anything that can change the mind of her mother-in-law – but she can shape the minds of her children. Especially her five-year-old daughter.

“I don’t want my daughter to live under anybody’s control. She should choose her education and her work freely, she should only marry who she wants to marry, and she should live in a world where she can speak her mind and dress how she wants,“ says Maya.